Things I Learned in College

College life…sigh. Oh the fun and careless bliss of being a student. Looking back it is hard to remember the constant stress and worries associated with the midterm that I forgot to studied for or what major I was going to choose, and near the end what I was going to do after graduation. Life threw in some curve balls when it came to what I wanted to do and what I had to do in college, but when all was said and done, my college experiences have in many ways prepared me for life in Turkmenistan.

            Fall of my junior year I was busy at work checking off all the perquisite classes for my major. Anatomy and Physiology topped the list. My heart goes out to anyone who has every taken a college level A and P class, not because it was a horrible experience but because for 11 weeks you breath, eat, and sleep A and P. During this time there is no such thing as a social life that does not revolve around drunken discussions of how the body utilizes ATP. This class consisted of many hours spent in lecture, lab and study groups, which is equal to many hours spent sitting and listening for words to start making sense. Hey that’s what I do now! I sit, study, and listen. On good days things make sense and on bad days I look forward to when they will. Unfortunately this is not an 11 week class but all the same thank you Janice Lapanski for helping me to realize the endurance of my booty, mind, and social life.

            College was not all about work and studying. I learned a lot outside the classroom as well. I didn’t know it at the time but between rock concerts with my cousin and The Up and Up at Halloween, I gained all the knowledge I would ever need to successfully master the public transit system in Turkmenistan. Buses here are packed tighter than sardine cans and at times do not smell much better. I have found two strategies that work best when traveling on the bus. #1 Be like Jell-O. It works well to mold to your surroundings. Giving some leeway but not to much. While this is the more polite of the two strategies it is also most likely to fail because why you are being Jell-O everyone else is solid iron molds. Which brings me to #2 Be the mold. Hold your ground and force others to mold around you. At first this didn’t make much logical sense to me because if everyone where to work together I am sure we could all ride relatively comfortable. That was until I found myself as Jell-O, practically straddling the elderly women sitting down facing me while desperately wrapping my limbs around the closest pole so that I wouldn’t be propelled into her lap every time the bus jerked to a stop. No, not good in my book. I try to stick to being the mold nowadays. Being young and nimble I fair better than many of the dayzas (dayza: an older women who is highly respected due to her age and place within the family) who must do the same acrobatic act as I on the bus but with a body 50 years older. What they lack in youth they make up for in determination. This last week as I waited for my bus in front of the Bazaar there was a little old lady who was last to step on the #11 bus which was busting at the seems. All seemed to be fine until the driver proceeded to close the doors. The woman’s body was repeatedly crunched between the doors before another woman of equal age came and trusted the first woman into the bus by throwing her weight towards her booty. If you can imagine stuffing your suitcase to the point that you need both you and a helper to sit upon it and zip it up, that was the equivalent of this experience but with a bus and a human.    

            When first arriving to Ashgabat it is easy to forget that Turkmenistan is essentially a giant desert. Fountains are as numerous as Starbucks in Seattle. Despite the appearance of abundant water resources, conservation is a concern for the country. Nearly all homes and businesses have squat toilets, are assigned water days, and rely on stored water kept in plastic water bottles for when the water is randomly shut off. Many health clinics don’t even have reliable running water. Lucky for me in my senior year of college I lived with 5 girls…wonderful girls. With one water heater and 6 people you learn the need for speed. The faster you are the more hot water is left over or in my current situation the more water in general. Showering as one of my most loved hobbies (if you can call it a hobby, I just absolutely love being in water), I like to limit the time I spend in each individual shower and take more showers instead. So far no complaints with this arrangement, none I can understand at least.    

            These are not the only similarities I have found. The effects of Turkmen food on the G.I. track is similar to that of camp food, it is bound to give you a stomach ache four out of seven days a week. Shopping at the bazaar is like shopping at Christmas, only Christmas is every Sunday. And the most important similarity…Life goes on, so smile more.

From Turkmenistan with lots of sÖýgi,

Steph